A piece of my mind

Sigh..

I was trying not to sigh for a week now..and its not going so good, my ribcage hurts when I breathe now, I think it’s because of the so many unsighed sighs trapped in lol! Well, I’m kinda serious here..ahem..

I noticed that I think about “what happened” more than “what will happen next” I’m always looking back and its keeping me there I guess..

You know what sux more than someone close to you getting depressed? Well, everyone around you getting depressed! Im trying to live with it and hoping it wont last that long..but so far..everything is just the same..

Depression is in the air!

Why am I so talkative with some (very few) ppl and almost mute with others?

its bothering me! I’m not sure if I’m talkative or not..i mean, I’m mostly quiet (surprisingly) but with some (again very few) ppl I just cant freakin shut up! Its like I want them to know everything I know, everything I think about, everything I feel and even my random useless thoughts..seriously just the other day I went : hey! I’ve learnt a new thing about me today and I’ve also learnt a new word! ^_^

now who would really be that interested in knowing such thing? -_-

I mean, unless you want to make fun of me and go : oh! Oh! That’s awesome! Plz! Do tell! This is very interesting! ^_^

LOL! I’d laugh if someone did that by the way..just imagining hahaha

Anyways..all the above is useless wondering of Miss Nella’s..the real update is the following :

Nella’s “to do” list May 2007

1- Stop counting!

2- Less thinking about every tiny lil thing..yes, including what the bus driver might be feeling at the moment XD

3- Stop drinking 3 bottles of barbican a night..it sure feels like beer and its powerful enough for you swallow your tears..but it’s just tempo so..quit dammit!

4- Should consider taking a vacation away from Neverland and go somewhere new..umm, maybe..Reality?

5- Call grandma!

6- Wash clothes.

7- Talk to the dorm’s supervisor about the hallway’s broken light.

8- Clean the dusat off SHANTARAM and read it.

9- For once..not care.

10- Sleep…( I’m very very very tired….)

P.S: i've never had beer before..im just assuming..and what i'm counting is NOT money! i wish it was though :P

dreams, signs and shooting stars : chapter 1 (dreams)

lately i've been having weird dreams..things that don't make much sense all together but once it's interpreted it has all sorts of signs..but signs will be discussed later on..now lets focus on dreams

4 years back i used to think: hey! how come most of my dreams are not that interesting? and the ones that might be are lost somewhere in my skull - thats 'cause i don't remember the ones i wake from crying or well, feeling weird - i wish i had interesting dreams..i wish i have an interesting life lol..then again if i led an interesting life, i wont find other ppl's lives that interesting and..well, i really like being fascinated by such..ummm, baloneys :P

well, I'm more like a perfectionist..you know? the ones Oprah makes fun of? yup..i like to start my new plans and resolutions by the beginning of the week/year/decade/century/whatever and i end up doing nothing XD

lol of course no one lives a whole century..well, some do, but i really don't want to live that long..hey! imagine i live a 100 years! ugh just the thought of it XD
again i really don't mind the wrinkles..but i really really really mind outliving my loved ones

hey! i just noticed! I'm 2 decades old! coool! and in 5 years I'll be 25! hmmm,..by the time I'm 25 I'd like to have my 1st kid ^_^ that'll be nice..

ugh focus! focus dammit! i mean..what does being a perfectionist have to do with me starting my plans at every week/decade? sigh..and my 1st baby? and the topic is about dreams..my god the unbelievable straying! XD

why do i always start talking about something and then drift elsewhere? not a good habit..especially if the one you're talking to is..well, never mind
it'll just get me drifting again..

so where were we? ^_^ oh right..dreams

yeah..lately my dreams are very weird and i keep asking for interpretations..like the night b4 last night i had this dream with me bleeding so much..it was unbelievable the amount of blood i had in me lol..i mean i bled so much! but i still didn't get the interpretation for this one..

once i do and it's worth mentioning or not too personal..i will share it with you guys ok? ^_^

and last night well, i had this weird, crazy and silly dream..i dreamt... well, i was waiting for a reply to an SMS i sent b4 going to bed and the dream was : me checking my phone and receiving the reply lol! i swear hahaha..and it was so irrelevant!
i mean..the reply was : " penbar =P "
LOL..wth? XD what's penbar? some sorta code?
i mean..i don't get it in real life and the one i get in my dream is so damn ugh! stupid!

anyways..

i have two dreams in my whole life that I'd call interesting..the first one starts like this :


characters : Nella, Nella's mom, Nella's grandma, Nella's older sister and Nella's younger sister (M)

i was coming back home (it wasn't my real home btw..but in the dream it was) and i came in with my older sister..went up the stairs to the main door and there was my mom and grandmother, standing there as if they're waiting for us..

Nella and her older sister : hey ma ^_^ hey grandma!

mom and grandma: hey girls! ^_^ ..Nella?

Nella: yes?

mom and grandma pointing at a huge pile of huge gift boxes wrapped beautifully : this is for you ^_^

Nella: for me? (surprised) wow...I..I..thanx? (blushing and embarrassed lol)

then her sister frowns and goes inside without saying a word

Nella standing silently for a minute and then: whats wrong with her? :(

mom and grandma: oh honey never mind her ^_^ now are you going to open your gifts?*

Nella: well,..

then comes her younger sister from inside..she sees Nella and jumps on her.. starts hugging and kissing

M: Nella!!!

Nella *shocked* : hey..

M: hey! ^_^ ..oh! i forgot something! be right back

she goes in and comes back with a baby's blanket and then mom and grandma say: hey! lets go to the roof

Nella thinking to herself : the roof? :S

the four of them go to the roof and there her younger sister puts down the blanket and asks Nella to sit.
Nella sits on it and stares at the sky.
note: the roof's wall was pretty short for me to stare at the sky while sitting and the blanket was so beautiful :P

there shines so brightly five huge stars on the horizon, and the one in the middle was 3 times bigger than the other four..all in a perfect horizontal line
note: one of the most amazing sights i've ever seen..once i see the aurora..live! i might change my mind hehe :P

Nella sits there breathless, then her mom and grandma say: those are yours..

Nella: mine? you mean the stars? *shocked*

Nella's mom, grandma and younger sister (M) smiling warmly at her : yes.

and then I'm up..sitting on my bed..staring at my hands..i don't know why but i was staring at my hands..and i was feeling..well, i can't describe the feeling..it was indescribable

*: no ones treats me this nice and ignores my older sister..she gets most of the attention and well,..everything in real life.

thats it folks! ^_^

P.s: too long to start talking about my other interesting dream..stay tuned though..
i might just post it later ;)

and hey! i watched 300 ^_^ at last! lol

things that dont make sense..in a more senseless way

this is not gonna make sense so if you wanna have a headache trying to figure what the hell am i blabbering about then..get an aspirin ready..

ready?

ok..

1. so we all know chocolate take you to a better place..wait..do we? i personally don't understand the passion for chocolate..i crave it..rarely, but it never took me to a better place! well, i did notice that i act like a drunk when i have a lot..i once had 10 galaxy ripple :P boy! they had me eating dinner outside just so that i don't go wild in front of the whole family..yes i did gain weight that night :P

2. i really think this is a man's world..they just have more fun! besides, where i live men make the rules..so why on earth would they make rules that'll be for women's good? lool! seriously

3. i think men's mentality -even though it differs from one to the other- is very interesting! they honestly don't understand us! now if you're asking : do they bother understanding? then i don't really know..
but i assure you, they find us hard to read..just like how we think they're messed in the head for not understanding very clear things..then again, are they really clear? or just because they're clear to us we think they're clear to everyone else?

4. this is gonna contradict with number 3 : men are so predictable! or maybe the ones i know are..maybe god made them predictable so we can have this little understanding we do? I'm not sure, but really..men need to work on their surprising skills..lol

4. i stopped drinking soda..no..it's not coz I'm going healthy, it's just that i stopped for awhile and now i can't drink them..feels like pouring acid in..i can't believe i used to drink that burning ****!

5. we all claim to like honesty and we want the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth..so why do you get upset when it's not a convenient one? and why do we lie when we know the truth is the better way out? is it in our nature to lie? is that why lying is a sin? cause we'll lie eventually?

6. i've put my gift to the test, and up till now it's working fine..now I'm not sure if it really is a gift so I'm gonna run it through some more testing ^_^

7. what's meditating? is it that you sit relax and think? or sit relax and not think? coz the 2nd i understand..but the first..i mean how can you relax if you're going to think! thinking is so damn stressful!

they say 7 is a lucky number..and I'm so unlucky! so I'm just gonna keep them 7..for good luck ^_^

hey! this is weird..i so feel like chocolate! lol..the irony XD

Tuesdays with Morrie

One of the most inspiring and touching books I’ve ever read..

Even though I wasn't that enthusiastic about reading it..
I just grabbed it one day off my sister's bookshelf and started reading..

I highly recommend it to anyone who's into reading..and to the people who don’t read..i just can’t understand you >.<

It opened my eyes to many things I’ve never noticed nor thought about before..
reading it makes you think about life, emotions, death, etc.. from a total different angle

here are some quotes from the book:

• "Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won’t be dissatisfied, you won’t be envious, you won’t be longing for somebody else’s things. On the contrary, you’ll be overwhelmed with what comes back."
• "You know what that reflects? Unsatisfied lives. Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven't found meaning. Because if you’ve find meaning in your life, you don’t want to go back. You want to go forward."
• "When you learn how to die, you learn how to live."
• "Death ends a life, not a relationship."
• "The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."
• "Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling."
• "When you're in bed, you're dead"
• "Love wins. Love always wins."
• "As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed as ignorant as you were at twenty-two, you'd always be twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It's growth. It's more than the negative that you're going to die, it's the positive that you understand you're going to die, and that you live a better life because of it."
• "Love each other or perish."
• "Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone."
• "Don't hang on too long, but don't let go too soon."
• "Without love, we are birds with broken wings."
• "Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?"
• "If the culture doesn't work, don't buy it."
• "If we can remember the feeling of love we once had, we can die without ever going away."

It is the true story of Brandeis University sociology professor, title personage Morrie Schwartz and his relationship with student Mitch Albom. Both the film and the book chronicle the lessons about life that Mitch learns from his professor, who is dying from Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), also known as Lou Gehrig's Disease.


i wanted to post more..but it'll just spoil it

it being a true story makes it even more interesting ^_^

it really is one of life's greatest lessons..

Currently reading : SHANTARAM

by: Gregory David Roberts

Full Metal Alchemist

one word: awesome!

this anime is a must watch! to everyone..even the ones who can't stand anime lol =P
i watched the first few episodes 'cause my sister was into it and i wanted to check it out..it was very interesting but i stopped watching after a few episodes coz something happened in it that broke my heart XD ..i continued watching later on..after i got a bit over it

anyways..i finished it and watched the movie which is amazing as well..and now i feel like i need more full metal :( ..im so sad it's over

attention : this anime might be the best anime ever..other animes won't be as good after watching this =P

well, here is a brief description :

In this world, there exist people with special abilities to manipulate objects and transform those objects into other objects. These people are known as alchemist. However, this manipulation process does not come without cost, as the basic alchemy rules stated that something with equivalent cost is needed to perform the manipulation. The main character is a famous alchemist named Edward Elric, who loses his little brother Alphonse in an accident. Edward manages to contain his brother's soul in a large piece of armor suit. However, merging the soul and body of the dearly departed comes with great cost, so the two brothers must embark on a journey to find a mysterious power amplifier which can reduce the cost to manipulate objects greatly.

not a very clear description..thats why i posted it ^_^ ..it's better when you don't know much b4 watching ;)