So I thought I’d slip in a lame update about what has been recently going on in my life.
I still can’t believe that we just started our mid-terms. we only have 2 weeks left before Eid holiday, which will leave us with just one week before finals.
Uh, who cares anyway? My underachieving self is not bothered..never will be.
ok that’s a lie. I haven’t been this anxious in my entire life! I never knew I could get this apprehensive! I just discovered a side of me that I’m seriously thinking of shooting..right between the eyes! There is always something stupid that keeps me up at night.. and even the couple of hours of sleep I get are not peaceful. I keep dreaming of missing deadlines, screwing up assignments, embarrassing myself in front of a class full of teenage girls. And if it’s not a very bad dream, I’d dream that I’ve overslept and missed an important exam, just to wake up and find that I’ve woken up way before the alarm has gone off.
I don’t know why am I panicking like this.. I’m usually never bothered. And it’s not like I’m doing badly in my studies, on the contrary; My grades are pretty good (if not excellent), and my past two evaluations weren’t bad at all. So what am I so freaked out about?
The stress is affecting me physically too, I’ve been sick for almost a month now. I keep relapsing.. it’s so bad that my mother is demanding at least one SMS per day..just to make sure I’m well enough to type.
I come online in my not-so-free time, just to satisfy my procrastination, and keep my mind off of things..or at least try to.
I can’t wait for November to end! I wanna go back home, and get some of my strength back for finals.
I’ve been sleep deprived for the past couple of months it’s just..so..very..tiring..
Ever since I was a kid, when I’m in desperate need of some peace, I usually get one my mother’s recently worn (lesos) scarves, and bury my face in it. her sweet comforting smell on it literally makes every muscle on my body relax, and an overwhelming sensation of peace overcomes me..a reassuring feeling that everything is going to be alright, and all I have to do is just close my eyes..
and I sleep..The wheels in my brain finally stop. no nightmares..no dreams..just a black void of peace.
I wish I had one right now.
