weak..

once..

i was laughing with my sisters and mom was looking at me with that motherly smile

later on when she came to kiss me b4 going to sleep..she laid next to me touched my nose with her fingers and said : you have the most beautiful nose i ever saw you know? ..i of course blushed..don't get the impression my nose is perfect XD it isn't! ..mom was just being..mom! hehe

but then she had this more serious worried look on her face and said: why do you try so hard to look so tough? you're not..you're way too fragile then how you pretend to be..

i gotta tell you it felt as i've been stabbed..not that it hurt for her to tell me..but it hurts for someone to see through me this clearly when i was trying my best to hide it..

i just burst out crying..she hugged me and calmed me down..kissed me and ended up sleeping next to me.. well, it's not like i wanna share this painful moment with you or anything..im just..well,


lately..i'm feeling so weak..i just wanna stand in that strong wind outside and hope i get torn to tiny little pieces and vanish..
im collapsing and feeling really weak..

and mom is not here to calm me down and hug me..

mom? i need you....