How to Order a Contract Killing

How to Order a Contract Killing

Assassinations are the most practical solutions to common problems. Thanks to the Internet, ordering a hit has never been easier. We manage a network of freelance assassins, available to kill at a moment's notice. All you have to do is send us an email, along with the details, and wait for further instructions. All the correspondence is done through our secure online forms. We use military grade encryption technology, which ensures complete privacy. You only have to tell us "Who", "Where", and "When"; we already know "What" and don't care about the "Why".

Our basic contracts start at $50,000 per head (plus expenses). The basic package consists of a cut and clean kill, which is accomplished either by means of firing two rounds of ammunition into the back of the head, or by firing a bullet from a distance through a high-powered sniper rifle. In either case the hit accomplishes the same results: the mark is dead, and someone will be wondering who killed him.

Ordering a Contract Killing in Five Easy Steps:

1 -- First you send us an encrypted email through our secure contact form. Just tell us "Who", "Where", and "When"; we already know "What" and don't care about the "Why". Don't give us too many details at this point; just stick to the basics.

2 -- If we accept your offer, you will receive a set of instructions telling you how to send a $25,000 deposit. Follow our instructions and send your deposit EXACTLY as instructed. Then you wait for another set of instructions.

3 -- Once we receive your deposit we will send you another set of instructions. This is when you get to tell us more about your mark. Give us as much relevant information as possible and tell us how you would like him/her to die. Be sure to include only the relevant information. We don't want to know about how you feel or what you had for breakfast. Save all that for your shrink. Then you wait for further instructions.

4 -- We will contact you back with a final quote. If you accept you will have to send us a balance that will bring your deposit up to 50% of the final cost. Once you send this deposit balance you only have to wait for one final set of instructions.

5 -- Once we fulfill our contract we will send you another set of instructions telling you how to settle your outstanding balance. You will have 72 hours from the "time of death" to pay us what you owe. You are well advised to make your final payment your top priority.

Gift Certificates:

If you know someone who wants to have someone killed you can purchase a gift certificate, starting at $25,000. We will send you a 16-digit activation code that will have to be used to activate the gift certificate in the future. Gift certificates are valid for up to one year.