a vein-bursting question

Alone, where a a king sized bed once stood, laid a king sized mattress. "Very comfortable." I thought, as I positioned myself on the mattress, facing the wall. The mattress covered in soft clean white sheets; looked new and hardly ever used.

The door of the semi-deserted room swung open, and entered my cousin, who's holding a diet coke can in one hand, and a glass full of ice in the other "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I found this IPod station stuck between the wall and the mattress."

"Well, that's an odd storing place."

"It's not a storing place..it probably doesn't work."

"Well, I have my IPod, and you can plug it in right there..lets see if it was stored, or if it lost it's way to the bin and somehow ended up between a wall and a mattress in a room almost never used."

"Ok, Let's see.." I plugged it in, placed the IPod and it worked!

"What do you know.. It works!"

"That really is an odd place to store an IPod station.."

"Yeah..haha" I turned around, and asked "So? Who's the can and who's the glass?"

"Excuse me? I'm not sharing."

"Come on.."

Fine..You're the can."

So.. a comfortable mattress, music in the background, and coke. What else is missing?
Conversation! We went on talking about school, university applications, driving license, weddings, etc..etc..Until we came to the question that is the highlight -­or at least supposed to be the highlight- of this entry.

"So Nella? What's the best thing that's ever happened to you?"

I answered without putting much thought into it. It doesn't need much thought anyway, I already knew what's the best thing that has ever happened to me. "my mom."

She looked like she heard an answer to a totally different question; her facial expression was a mixture of shock and suspicion.
I was waiting for her to blurt out a "what?" but instead, she blurted out something I wasn't expecting at all.. a "why?"

Now I wasn't sure if I should feel offended by that question, `cause lets be honest here..It does seem a little offending if someone asked you why you consider your mother the best thing that has ever happened to you, specially if said with that tone.

Well I dunno, skipping the 9 months of pregnancy, the several hours of excruciating labor, the 2 years of some serious breast feeding, and all the things almost all mothers go through.
Maybe because she makes the best Bechamel? (Speaking of Bechamel, I noticed that everyone I know whose mother cooks bechamel says their mother's is the best. personally, I've had many mom-made bechamels throughout the years, and they were all good; they all had a special flavor. I guess it's that special flavor we consider the best, the nostalgic familiar flavor of home)

Maybe because she is the smartest woman I've ever known? The reasons are endless, and obviously biased!
The harder I tried to put them all in an answer -­an answer I felt was good enough to justify why I think she's the best thing that has ever happened to me- the faster they slipped away. I was boiling inside, not only because of my inability to properly answer the damn question, but because of the damn question itself. "why?"

For a moment there, a semi-bald, short, fat Italian guy in his mid-forties, appeared in my head and furiously asked "what the **** is wrong with my Ma Huh? FIGLIO DI MIGNOTTA! VAFFANCULO! CAFONE!" (Translation: You son of a *****! go **** yourself! ***hole!)

Anyhow, this whole thing makes me think, is it because we take mothers for granted that it seems weird to think of them as the best thing that has ever happened to us? "You know..Mothers are supposed to be there for us, they don't happen!" Or is it because of how she sees her own mother?

Well, to cut it short, being the easily led to self-doubt person I am, I started wondering, Does it have to be something else? I tried rephrasing that question in my head so many times, I tried looking at it from different angles, but I kept getting the same answer; My mother.

Finally, I answered. "Well, because, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me!" I couldn't have answered any other way. And to avoid any other vein-bursting questions, I fired back the same question "what's the best thing that has ever happened to you?"

But before she could answer, the door opened and a voice called "Nella? Yallah 7abeebi, We're going home.. it's late."
I was a little disappointed I didn't get the chance to give her a taste of her own medicine, but I had to go, the best thing that has ever happened to me was waiting for me by the door. And as soon as I saw her smiling face, I thought: maybe it's because she just stopped me from offending someone who probably didn't even mean to offend me? Well, I guess it's safe to say that, my mother was the best thing that happened to my cousin that night.

Nella Says: Frogs are perverted? *

How do you miss a voice you’ve never heard before? A face you’ve never seen before? Or a conversation you never really had? Even though it feels like you have at least a million times.
You know, nothing gets my thoughts going better than being cut off from everyone.. (Well, almost..)
Loneliness and anxiety is what I call enemies with benefits. Along the many visits they seem to be frequently making lately..I noticed my brain activity increase. with all these thoughts, and ideas running in my head. I’ve also noticed that I use my brain much more when I’m in a desperate need for ‘vitamin P’.
Wait.. Does that mean that when I’m deliriously happy, my I.Q drops? Hmm.. ’cause if it does, it explains a lot!

It’s probably because I become so emotionally worn out to the point that my heart announces it’s time he takes a vacation from all the crap I keep getting him into. Leaving all the work to my brain for a few days.. (or weeks, depends) which isn’t bad at all really. I actually like the only-brains Nella better to be honest.

Oh yeah..Almost forgot!
Ramadhan Kareem everyone! =D

Not that anyone reads this blog anymore, But I just can’t give up on this place..Not yet anyway.
A few years ago, I came to realize that I love talking to myself..guess it’s ‘cause I’m a very good listener (funny I said that..My family still believes that I’m not much a daydreamer as much as I’m partly deaf. they even had me go through an ear surgery back when I was a kid, just to make sure I’m not really partly deaf, which was obviously unsuccessful?) Besides, who understands you better than yourself? I usually turn to myself when the road gets a little bumpy.. and writing instead of talking to myself out loud (even though I do that sometimes too) seems like the more sane way of holding a somehow interesting (or maybe not) conversation between me, myself and I.

Anyhow, speaking of Ramadhan, This is probably the first Ramadhan I felt very very unready for. It came so suddenly this year..like the year skipped a few months thinking it’s time we have Ramadhan visit us again. a holy visit I’ve always looked forward to, with the exception of this one time. Because for the first time in my life; I’m spending it all alone. I really wish no one welcomes Ramadhan alone. specially if you don’t know how to warp a samboosa (even though you’ve genuinely tried at least a thousand times throughout the years, till you’ve ruined half of the wraps and your mom decides it’s time you stir the soup instead) It’s not a nice feeling, but if you ever had to..Well, you’ll live.

It comes fast and leaves just as fast. I can’t believe we’re moving on to Day 13 in a another umm..16 hours? Now I know it’s a little early to talk about this, but, doesn’t it feel weird when you wake up on Eid.. and someone downstairs calls you for breakfast? The Idea of having breakfast seems so strange! (but you get over it real quick once you have a glass of water). I think I’ve said it every Eid so far haha “Hey! Guess what! We can drink water! In the MORNING!” One of the many stupid things I refuse to stop saying (or doing) on Eid. Stupid things I can now proudly announce are officially on the ‘are you worthy of becoming an Eid Ritual?’ waiting list, In hope of becoming the new nice little Eid ritual. Alongside Oud, Insomnia, stealing Chocolate (even though we can just go and get some from the living room now, but it’s not as fun as getting it from the men’s side..mission impossible style lol) and the ‘lets-go-check out- the-guys-from-the-second-floor’s-window-as-they-bring-out-the-Shuwa’ gaze haha!

At any rate, I’ve talked about Eid a million times in here..and as tempting as it is for me to give the famous “Nella’s Eid Speech” ( I’m already half way through it anyway..i think) it would be unfair of me to make you go through the damn thing every single Eid.. I’m not that mean. =)

moving on..

A few days ago, I was fortunate -or perhaps unfortunate- to find out (to my utter astonishment) that some people are stupid enough to not realize that actions have consequences. It’s beyond their comprehension to understand That you can’t clip a bird’s wings, lock it up in a cage all it’s life, and then one day, decide to open the window for it, assuming it’ll fly like any other bird who’s been soaring the skies for years.
Likewise, You can’t raise a child unexposed to life, inexperienced, and completely dependent on you. Clipping his wings by constantly telling him he’s a good for nothing nobody, and then one day, take off the leash, and expect him to lead a normal independent successful life, like the rest of the normal folks out there. For god’s sake! Even the lucky ones (who’ll somehow manage to come out of this with a little bit of confidence intact) won’t lead a normal life.. at least not immediately!

And I know this has nothing to do with anything, but I hate infatuation... (I like the sound of the word though) I hate it’s guts! Not only do I immerse myself into the person I’m infatuated with.. But I somehow start to sound like them..Be interested in what they’re interested in, etc, etc.. (Unconsciously of course). And it freaks -the hell- outta me! Every time! I often find myself wondering: “Am I going to suffer from this syndrome for the rest of my life?”
They should have pills for infatuation! It’s dangerous! Some people lose their identities! And I can’t really imagine something worse than losing the person you are and becoming a not very well copied copy of somebody else. (note: a little exaggeration might've occured in this paragraph)

Not like it’s incurable or anything..I mean, I survived them all. I eventually get myself out of it, but by then it would’ve consumed me to the point that I can’t return to the Nella I was before.

It’s Evil! It’s evil with a little tiny halo floating somewhere above it’s head. Because when you become so infatuated with someone, so infatuated to the point that you start to sound like them, look at things through their eyes, and share their views and interests.. You learn new things. It comes with the territory I guess. You submerge into this person, and their interests become your new interests, and you learn..

If he is into cars, you become a car expert. If he is into books, you become a bookworm (major bookworm f you were already a bookworm, like myself). If he is into Movies, you become a movie fanatic. And if he is into Nail Polish and all things pretty….well, you move on faster than you thought you would.

I’m not sure if it’s to impress them, or if it’s psychological.. But I know that every time I’m infatuated, i hear a voice in my head saying: oh girl, you’re in deep shit!

And one more thing, I don’t think that recalling silly jokes or hilarious incidents, or even looking through your memory archive for that tape you had recorded of your sister falling on her bum in public and playing it in slow motion is sad! If it makes you laugh just as much as you laughed before, then you go ahead and reminisce! Even if you happen to be in a waiting hall full of people, and suddenly start laughing hysterically. Note: from personal experience, once you realize you’re actually laughing like an idiot in front of all these people..You’ll most probably find yourself unable to stop laughing (which is also good to recall and crack up on in some other waiting hall haha..I hate waiting halls/rooms. Specially when you don’t have anyone to kill time with, and they’re no decent magazines to read.)

Out of Nella’s Book of “Kitchen Adventures/Disasters”

My parents and my older sister had to go away for a day while I was home ‘super-vacationing’. and being the second person in charge (and the superb Chef I am).. I took the liberty of making dinner.. and came up with a “white sauce and cheese pasta with a pinch of turmeric” recipe. But after everyone (including my grandma, who qualifies as the pickiest person alive) had (with the help of divine powers) ate, I had to change the name of the recipe to “turmeric with a pinch of white sauce and cheese pasta”.

You see, I accidentally poured half of the turmeric jar into the white sauce. You can imagine how yellow and turmeric-y it became. I honestly believe that I made the yellowiest, turmeric-iest dish in culinary history. Thank god my parents came back with a lot of Pizza leftover that night.. (I also think that was with the help of divine powers)

Word of the week.. “Viet-fuckin’-nam!”

Guess this entry makes up for the almost 3 months long time in which I didn’t blog, lol!
Is it obvious (from the length) that I miss blogging? ‘Cause if it isn’t..I really do miss blogging. =)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* I recently heard an Omani joke about a perverted frog. I would’ve told you the joke, but it’s really really nasty. Well, the joke is basically about a smartass frog who wants the lion to bring him bitches lol (the longer ‘Omani’ version is a lot funnier I promise you).
Anyhow, I found myself thinking about the fairytale frogs, and when you think about it, frogs really are perverted. From the frog who was drooling all over Thumbelina, to the ‘prince’ frog who had to be kissed to transform. Kissed? Seriously..

A True Story - Part 3

i'd like to apologize for the inexcusable delay..most of you have probably given up on me, and i wouldn't blame you. not only was i very busy, but i was also impeded by my uncertainty of how to end this. being the last part of my very first story.. i sure took my sweet time.

1994 April 5th

it's the Birthday of her Brother's daughters. Lubna had just turned four, and Arwa was already three. Omar decided to hold the Birthday Party at Hardee's. it was the trend to have birthday parties at Fast food restaurants back then.

Layla was getting her girls ready for the Party. she was helping Reem put on her new white dress with the purple floral prints. Reem wasn't sure she wants to go..
"Mama, do i have to? i don't like parties.."
"Yes honey you have to. you'll have lots of fun, they have games, loads of Burgers, and two huge birthday cakes!"
"but i've been feeling sick all day..i don't feel like eating anything.."
"yeah right! once you smell the food, you'll be the first to eat!" Noor said as she was putting on her new pants.
"no i won't!" shouted Reem ..she turned to her mother with a worried look. "Mama? you're coming too, right?"
"yes honey, of course i am." she planted a gentle kiss on her daughter's nose. smiling in relief, Reem went to check her hair in the mirror.
she was now trying to tie her hair up in a pony tail. ever since Noor had managed to tie her hair all on her own, she's been trying really hard to do the same. Layla smiled as she watched her try over and over again.
"you'll never get it right, your hands are too short" Noor was doing a perfect job making Reem think her hands are shorter than they already are.
"Noor! would you do us the honor and zip it?" Layla said angrily
..come here sweetie, you need to look your best today, i'll tie your hair today, and we can both sit and practice tomorrow, alright?"
"..alright." Reem smiled, her arms were getting sore from holding them up anyway.
as the girls were running down the stairs she checked her watch "we're going to be late, where is that little Devil? Dana!!"
a shout came from downstairs. "yeaaaas?"
"come up here this second!" Layla shouted back.
Dana was mumbling and laughing with her sisters as she was running up the stairs, when she saw her mother's frowning face, she froze.
"i'm.. i'm sorry! the show was about to end i swear, but then they had commercials on and.."
"okay okay, come!" Layla sighed in impatience.
Dana ran to the room and saw a dress on her bed. she turned to her mother in disbelief. "but mama! i can't wear a dress! Abduallah is coming to the party. he's gonna laugh at me if he saw me in a dress!"
"but we don't have anything else ready."
"okay then, i'm not going.."
"what? get into that dress right now!"
Dana was on the verge of crying when her mother let out a sigh. "if i'm going to go crazy, it's all your fault.. okay, grab the new blue trousers and the shirt that goes along with them."
"thank you!" she jumped on her mother. "it's in the lower drawer. hurry up now, or i'm going to change my mind."

"oh well, looks like we're going to arrive late again..just when i thought today was going to be the day." Layla thought.

2 hours later

Layla was sitting at one of the tables, having a laugh with her sister-in-law when Fatma walked in with her little girls all holding on to her Abaya..
"Abla! (teacher)" she yelled to Fatma. "you look tired!"
"of course i'm gonna be tired! i'm pregnant again!"
she said as she was looking at Omar's wife "wallah if it wasn't for Muna i wouldn't have attended."
Muna said through her famous chuckle "thank you! we don't have parties like this all the time you know. your girls are going to have so much fun with the kids! i knew it was a good idea to have Omar hold the party here.
Bragging about almost every little thing she has, was something Muna has always found complete joy in.

Fatma was now reciting a funny incident that happened to her at school. Layla has already heard this one on the phone before, so she turned to check on the kids. Dana and Abduallah were standing on one of the tables and trying to reach a big blue balloon that was stuck to the ceiling. "Dana! get down this second!" Dana jumped up in startle. Abduallah jumped off the table and ran to the other side of the hall. Layla was fuming as she was getting her daughter down. "if i saw you doing anything like that again, i'll take you home right away!"
Dana seemed like she wasn't even listening. "mama, you're tall enough. if you got on this chair you'll be able to reach it."
"that's it! i'm taking you home right now!"
"no no! i don't want the balloon anymore. really!"

as she was returning to her seat, her eyes met a familiar face. a short Colombian Lady walked into the Hall. she was in her mid forties. blonde short hair, a little chubby. she was holding the hand of a little two year old girl in a pink dress who looked just like her mother.

she never knew what is it he saw in her, he stayed unmarried for so long, and then came back home one day married to this old average looking hag.
Muna called the lady to come sit with them. Layla forced a smile as she greeted her. "Hello..yes i'm fine, thank you."
talking to her has always made Layla feel uncomfortable. to avoid the conversation, she took Rana in her arms and went to sit in the table next to them.
she cradled Rana's face in her hands, and looked at her with adoration. for some reason, knowing she was his daughter, she adored the girl to bits. Rana was now trying to pull off the beads on her dress. "no no, cariño."


2006 - August.

It was past midnight. Layla was driving back home from her parents. "Mama? can we have Rana sleep over at our place? she said she wants to tag along with Ruqaya next weekend." Dana said.

"i don't think it's a good idea honey."
"Why?"
"your father doesn't like her father. i'm not sure he's going to be comfortable having his daughter at our place."
Reem who was 20 years old by then said: " i just saw her father two weeks ago. he's handsome! how old is he, mama?"
"a couple of years older than i am i guess."
"really? so he's about the same age as dad, he looks so much younger! i heard he's the head of this huge company. i wish i could find a man like him" Reem sighed.
Layla smiled as she took the turn to the left.

ever since Yahya found out that Layla and Ahmed once had feelings for each other, he started avoiding Ahmed and told her not to have anything to do with his family. how did he found out she never knew, but she never confirmed his doubts.
she agreed to whatever it is he said regarding Ahmed. there is no point arguing about something that had died more than 20 years ago, she thought.

"why doesn't he like him mama?" Dana asked.
"you know your father 3ad Dana.."
"but what are we going to tell her next week?"
"how about you all sleep over at your uncle's instead?"
"But!"
Layla gave Dana 'the look' over the rear-view mirror.
"fine.." Dana sighed. her brows met in anger and confusion.
" if you keep doing that you're forehead is going to be covered with wrinkles by the time you're 20." Layla said jokingly. everyone chuckled except for Dana, who's got more upset her brows got even closer.

----------------------------

open ending! =D
lol, not really..i know that open endings are almost always unsatisfying. but this is a true story, and so far, it's pending.
disappointed? my apologies.
and who knows what the future holds? :p if there was any developments in the future, i'd be more than glad to share.

note: all names mentioned in this story are fictitious.

A True Story - Part 2

1983 - First of May

"Ahmed! when did you get back man?" Yahya greeted his best friend with a big smile and a hug.
"a couple of days ago. i heard about your father..i'm really sorry. how is he?"
"thanks, he's doing a lot better now."
"Alhamdillah..guess i've been away for quite some time."
"2 years is sure a long time..so you're back for good, huh?"
"yeah! ..i've had enough of the UK. five loooong years..i'm definitely done. what about you? how's work?"
"going great. i just got promoted. about time if you ask me. i've been working there for over 12 freakin' years!"
"haha, congratulations! you deserve it."
"thanks..how's Omar doing by the way?"
"oh, pretty good for a freshman, he's been to the UK for the past three summers, he's used to it by now."
"yeah. good luck to him. so? you're not going anywhere anytime soon right?"
"nope."
"great! means you'll be coming to my wedding."
"wedding? mashallah! bu ya3qoob! mabrook!"
righ then, the thought of Layla crossed his mind..it's been a few months since they've had that fight and stopped talking to each other.
her family is pressuring her with the many proposals she's getting and every time she asks him if he's going to do something about it, he'd repeat the exact same answer "i need to start working and make my own money first.."
"i can't wait any longer. my mother is already having doubts every time i turn down a guy..and this time she's asking me to choose between two of them..and she's not taking no for an answer!"
Layla..i love you..i'm just not ready.."

he knew he's disappointed her, she wanted something solid and he couldn't give her that..not yet anyway, he wanted to be an accomplished man..someone who can provide her the same lifestyle she has.

"Ahmed?" Yahya was wondering where did his friend's mind wandered.
"i'm sorry..i'm really happy for you man..so? who are you marrying?"
"She's a Beauty! Nasser's daughter..Layla."


1983 - 4th of May

she 's been up all night, the wheels in her brain were going round and round, she felt her head about to explode!
what is it he wants now? it's been five months since she last heard from him, it was about time she moves on..

she walked to the kitchen, desperate for a cup of tea.
a few minutes later, Fatma walked in holding the little red recorder her mother gave her. although Layla wasn't really interested in Music, but she's somehow memorized a few songs her friend was playing non-stop. Fatma was a huge fan of Abu Baker Salim, but never got the lyrics right. every time she'd sing along, she'd be singing completely different words..Layla always giggled as she heard her sing in the next room.
"i want you to listen to this, you'll love it! it's just the perfect wedding song!"
ever since Layla told her about the engagement, Fatma had placed herself in charge of the wedding, and thrown herself all over the wedding plans and preparations.
"it's not until December Fatma."
"i know! but you don't want to be 'panicking' when it's too late for you to find a proper song!"
she pressed Play, and a traditional Omani wedding song came out of the little old thing.
"isn't this played in every single wedding we've been to?"
"NO! just the best weddings..what do you think? perfect right?"
Layla forced a smile of approval as she was adding sugar to her tea.

Fatma paused the song and sat silent for a minute.. "you're calling him back aren't you?"
"i...i don't know..i need to know what is it he wants."
"suit yourself..he's not bringing anything better to the table. sure, he's a looker, an engineer, and comes from a good family. but he didn't have enough guts to propose!
..she paused for a minute, grabbed a cup and poured herself some of the tea Layla has made.
then went on "Yahya is a charming man, he's just as good looking. okay, maybe life was a little rough on him, and he had to work at the age of 12. but look at him now! a permanent decent job, good salary, and he's graduating from uni in a couple of years. not to mention the sweetheart mother he has! he's got the kindest mother! you're going to have the best mother-in-law!"
"i know...but"
she took Layla's hand in hers as she said: "Layla..you're more than a sister to me, you know that. i just want you to be happy."

layla smiled. as cliché as that might have sounded, she knew Fatma was being sincere. they've known each other for as long as she can remember.

she tightened her grip on Fatma's hand. "thank you."

Later that afternoon

the phone rang. Layla had what would Fatma call 'the panic look' on her face. for a second, she wished if Fatma was home to pick up the phone instead. but she went out to finish gift-shopping. after all, their plane takes off tomorrow night.

her heart was racing, and her hands were shaking as she picked up the phone.
the deep voice that has always got the butterflies fluttering in her stomach came from the other side: "Hello?"
she stood there for a few seconds..trembling.
"Hello? Layla?"
"...yes, Hello"
the were both silent for what seemed like eternity. holding her tears in..she felt as if she was suffocating. Finally he managed to speak another word.
"why?"
"...you never came.." once again they both fell into silence..

"he's my best friend.."

A True Story - Part 1

1983 - 3rd of April

It's 9 pm, she's just got back from her last day as a university student, throwing herself on the bed and exhaling in relief. It was early April, the weather is perfect in Jordan around this time of the year. just a couple of more days and she'd be back home. the thought of becoming a married woman in just a few months was overwhelming. she stood up with a smile on her face, and walked to the wardrobe, looking for something more comfortable to change into. as she was extending her arm to grab a blue cotton dress, her eyes fell on a little note on the desk. must be from her flatmate Fatma.
the note read: Layla, Ahmed called.
her heart skipped a beat as she read his name..it's been over 5 months since she last heard from him.

"why now?" she thought.. so absorbed in her thoughts, she didn't realize Fatma had made her way through the room and was now standing beside her: Layla? ... Layla?

"Yes?!"
"i was knocking the door, are you ok?"
"oh yes, i'm fine.." she replied smiling. "i'm just anxious about the wedding."
"is that so? Fatma's tone was filled with doubt. "i was almost sure you looked like you were panicking.." the word Panic was one of Fatma's favorite words Layla thought. she's been saying it ever since they first learned it in school.
Fatma went on. "anyway, got the note?"
oh yes..the note, when did he call?
"sometime in the afternoon. he asked if he could speak to you, i told him you're in class."
pausing for a few seconds.. "you don't have to call him back you know.."
"yes..I..I know."
"you're an engaged woman, what is he thinking? when it's.."
"it's alright Fatma.. really. I'll go take a shower now."

1978 - Flashback

"Layla! Layla!" her mother was yelling at the front door.

"yes mama?" shouted Layla as she was running towards the car.
don't forget! you're having lunch at grandma's after school. she came back yesterday."
"inshallah!" she was already waiting impatiently for Wednesday.. Her Paternal Grandparents were her favorite people in the world. she missed them last week, but they had to visit a cousin in the interior.

she got into the car as she was enthusiastically greeting the driver back.
"if you keep coming late everyday, you're going to be late for school, and Ahmed will be late too, madam"
"i know. sorry Azeez.."

Ahmed moved to their neighborhood last weekend, and been riding their car to school with her for the past week. he's a relative she's known all her life, played with him in her old neighborhood back when they were kids.

they're both in their last year of school, even though he's two years older than she is, but she's been a bookworm all her life, she's started school at the age of 9 when they finally opened the first school for girls in Muscat.
she then started taking summer courses to skip a few years and graduate sooner..

Layla has never felt anything for a guy before, they just never seemed interesting enough to distract her from her studies..However, Ahmed was different.
she closed her eyes smiling, as she recalled the first time she saw him last weekend. when he came by asking for her father. she almost felt her feet melt into her shoes, she never knew he was that handsome.

the car stopped in front of his house. he opened the door to the front seat, greeted them, slammed the door shut, and said: "how are you this morning, Layla?"

her heart was beating so loud, she wasn't sure she heard him right, did he just ask how am i doing? "...Alhamdillah. how are you?"
"i'm doing fantastic, thank you."

looking down at her sweating palms.. she thought " i knew today was going to be a special day..the air smelled different the moment i woke up!"
as she rose her head up, she saw Azeez looking at her in the rear-view mirror with a smirk on his face.
he knew..

O' Perfect Template, Where Art Thou?

i need to be at uni in about...now. haha
i have no idea what am i doing here checking/updating my blog..

remember when i said i'm a very clingy person who's got trouble letting things go? ( our house has been renovated and refurnished twice now, and i still want it the way it was when i was 5 xD)
well..i was looking at my blogroll and let me tell you, 3/4 of them folks have either died, quit blogging or deleted their blog all together! but somehow i can't bring myself to delete the links..it's like i'm hoping someday i'll click on one of them, and there will it be, to my delight, a fresh entry on their supposedly dead blogs! you people suck!

can't blame them though, personally, the more interesting and blog worthy my life gets, the more boring blogging becomes lol, i barely blog once a month. (this month is an exception, i have finals coming up and i have nothing better to waste my time in but update.)

oh yes, almost forgot the reason why i'm actually updating lol..
*clears throat*

"my dearest regular Nella's blog readers,

my apologies if any of you are getting annoyed with the recently frequent template changes. i'm just not settled yet, i don't know what i want..so until i find a template i really like, i'm going to annoy you with this for a little longer i'm afraid..so bear with me..or something lol"

gotta run now, laters!

p.s: things are going according to plan, now all i need is a little bit of luck. even though i've been strangely lucky this week..too lucky in fact. hmm..

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to-do list:

- Study dammit!

- Pray on time.

- Clean the room and start packing. i hate packing, i hate it!!!! ****ing agonizing!

- Do last week's laundry!

yes..the past week has been a lucky one, but that doesn't mean i don't get to procrastinate! that's my all time best thing to do :D i'd procrastinate anytime of the day! oh wait..i already do that.. hehe

Undone

"I keep comin' back everytime I leave"

1- i hate this state i'm in right now..the 'reality hasn't hit yet' state. i wish if i could realize what just happened in order for me to react the way i will wish i did in about a week or whenever reality is gonna hit me..HIT ME DAMN IT! HIT MEEE!

2- i've been a complete scatterbrain today, and i'm afraid this is gonna last for quite sometime until i breakdown and then start to recollect myself..
BAD TIMING NELLA!! you've got a presentation next week and finals coming up in a couple of weeks.

3- i think i'm gonna fail in one of the subjects i'm taking, it's just too hard! xD and that damn prof has this weird way of coming up with exams. dentistry students are always shaking before entering the exam hall , and crying after leaving it. i on the other hand am pretty much desensitized when it comes to studies, the worse thing that'll happen is that i won't smile in relief once the exam is over. i really hope my kids don't turn out this way. 'Oh god, please let my future husband be a hot nerd.' =P

4- when i kill insects i imagine this little blue light leaving their bodies and heading up to heaven..weird i know, but thats what i imagine every time i kill something. oh, and i never kill ants. 'cause for some reason i start feeling guilty the minute i do. those hard working little things aren't up for breaks.
i've always admired ants, ever since i was a kid.

5- i miss swimming, yup..it's that time of the year again lol, i remember back when we were in grade school, and how we'd walk around el 7osh (backyard) barefoot and get as hot as possible and then run and jump into the pool. it feels GOOD! you should try it sometime.

6- i've been craving qabooli (an omani rice dish, prepared with either meat: laham or chicken: djaaj) laham for the past week. and to top it, i've talked to my grandma today (happens to be the chef who makes the best qabooli i've ever had in my entire life)
haha, everytime we're at my aunt's place (where she lives) for lunch it's either qabooli laham or dajaaj.

my cousins always laugh about it: grandma! they'll get sick of this qabooli if they're gonna have it everytime they're here! two more times and it'll become a tradition.
- Grandma: they like it! you don't have to eat!

ugh, i miss her so much! i miss everyone and everything as a matter of fact, even the ones i don't usually miss, i miss them this time. guess it's coz i'm all alone up here for the first time.
ugh man, i'm crying..


goodnight

Draft Vol.4 (10/8/2007)

now this draft is missing a LOT of stuff! since back then, i had so much going on, the thought of blogging about it was just tiring lol, but since it's a draft it'll remain unedited. i'll leave it the way it was saved. =)

note: last draft..yay! :p

"things are slowing down.."

it's been awhile since i've posted a serious update, i was thinking of posting something that needed lots of editing, then i changed my mind. it's better to post something fresh and recent.

nothing much has happened recently, my cousins left for their summer vacation, my other cousins returned from their vacation, and we didn't leave to return. sitting here in Oman and enjoying the not so hot weather, i think this summer is cooler that the other past summers, don't you think?

i noticed that i talk about my dreams quite often, and that's because they're more interesting than the real thing xD

apart from the deaths in the family everything is quite normal..swimming, staying up late..the usual summer vacation.

current wishlist

ladies and gentlemen i present to you my very first materialistic post :P

this the Puma Blackberry wine handbag that i've been dreaming of but couldn't buy 'cause i was broke at the time, remember? lol
but as usual, once i had the money, it was already sold out, and they didn't have any left at the store. i'm jinxed i tell ya..jinxed! =(



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i love Skullcandy.. beautiful. they were outta stock at virgin megastores. they only had a black/gold one which was very unappealing to me lol




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i'm not a heels person, since i'm a 5'6 ..but this, i really want.





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this little baby Coral snake is beyond adorable! i know it's venom is almost fatal, and it's as poisonous as of an adult coral snake. but i was dying for an adult coral snake, now that i've seen this..i want it even more! =(





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and lastly, i have 5 almost empty bottles of perfume, i'm thinking of repurchasing a couple of them and adding this to the collection


that's pretty much it for the time being. nothing interesting i know, but since i have no idea what is it i want right now, i thought i'd post the things i know i want.

sucksville, miserable town..catching my drift?

do you know what's sad? it's when you realize that you basically blog because 99% of the time your life is just so sad!
either that, or you just love to bitch about the not so bad 1% left. which i tend to do 100% of the time..

i'm feeing so miserable to the point that i'm feeling sorry for myself! i mean if i saw myself curled up in my bed all day, getting off of it just to answer nature's call, then i'm gonna be feeling really sorry for myself. which IS the case! and i also have a feeling i'm gonna regret posting this later on lol..

i mean, god! it's 8 in the morning! and i cannot go to sleep, and i'm really tired- and the screen is blurry and all but still! i just can't stop those thoughts from invading my head. i'm even thinking of erogenous zones for god's sake! and i also feel really sick and probably hung over (if possible) from all the fizzy drinks and ice cream i had.
ok here's a tip, if you're feeling really crappy? like REALLY crappy? do NOT drink 2 cans of Pepsi, 3 cans of mountain dew, and 3 full bowls of ice cream. DO NOT! especially when you rarely drink fizz and you're not too much of a sweet tooth. veeeeeeeeery bad idea..

did you ever want someone so bad! like sooo sooo bad! and like want them right now? this second?
well, that's how i'm feeling right now ...about juicy cheesy pizza! ugh i'd kill for a slice right now.

so..so far i'm feeling: depressed, hung over, sick, sorry for myself, dying for a slice of pizza,

and well.. having absolutely no human contact? is not making it any better! .. and definitely driving me insane. i'm on the verge of insanity here! and the fact that i'm not initiating any human contact either, is making me feel sucky! and well...suckier!

ugh..i mean, i do have a family that happens to care a lot about me, but i just can't make them worry more than they already are!
they are already worried about me stuck all alone in here. even though i'm 21 now, i'm still the very irresponsible daughter/sister to them, and i certainly can not disagree on that right now.. i'm just not cut out for this! i mean, what kinda responsible person would skip their classes and decide to spend the day in bed instead, drinking fizz, and having lots of ice cream on an empty stomach? well, not any responsible daughter/sister i know!

sigh..sometimes i wish if blogging about things you hate, things that are making you feel miserable, make them go away..
too bad blogger is not a fairy..or a witch.. or any other person who can make all of this go away for that matter.

and why do i have the song 'smelly cat' playing non-stop in my head?

A Thoughtless Hermit

that's what i've become lately.

i really think something is seriously wrong with me..it's like i'm not me!
i usually have a million thoughts a minute..(ok i'm exaggerating) but really, being thoughtless is just not Nellish!

i'm starting to have doubts about the drug i'm currently taking..might be the reason behind the thoughtlessness.

oh, and this is not an update lol, i'm just thinking out loud.

drafts Vol.3 (9/9/2007)

now this does not make any sense whatsoever lol, the most of it at least..
entry 3 can be a little bit..well, understandable! xD i think..
and if there are any regular readers in the house, i guess you've figured out by now how most of the entries on this blog are rather senseless. sometimes i wonder what am i on about.. so my dear readers, if you decided to go on reading, i'm afraid you'll have to guess what the hell was i thinking when i wrote these..(a few months back)
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oh and I almost forgot: i very much appreciate each and every comment you leave for me..i'm always thrilled when i see comments waiting to be moderated. puts a big smile on my face. actually, i'm just glad you bother visiting my blog..let alone read and drop a comment! seriously, thank you. :)

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"Dear Diary? "

9.9.2007
1:33 AM
Dairy,

i'm still in shock of how racist my father is, i've never
thought he'd ever react like this, not to someone i admire so much.

makes me feel like screaming an apology: i'm sorry! at the top of my lungs, hoping he'll hear it.

sigh..so this makes it what? -40?
oh, and it's been proven Diary, i'm paranoid -_-
..it's tiring when life becomes a mad vortex, but i enjoy it..the pain,
the headache and the dizziness. i really do..
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17.8.2007
Dear diary,

I had a weird dream last night; it's so weird it's funny. I might take it as a sign and do what I did in the dream, but I'm not sure I'm strong enough. It'll be devastating if it didn't happen like the dream. this took me a long while to get over, the 2nd time would be too painful to bear. :(

I hate this time of the year..sigh..My agony will go on for another 2 weeks, if not more -_-

It sucks when it's over..oh well, I just hope I dream of eight-legged shadows again tonight!
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10.8.2007
Dear Diary,

Nizwa is breathtaking! ^_^
the mountains, the clouds, the people, and their Pizza-hut branch xD everything was so beautiful and so delicious! even though it's summer..the weather was exceptionally nice, it even rained a tiny bit.
i gotta say though, my favorites were the mountains. they were no ordinary mountains.

one looked like a Sphinx, some looked like whales and there is one that looked like a witch with a crooked nose, amazing. i've always thought mountains are amazing, and i often feel homesick when i see chains of mountains..i love you Oman.

Just a Thought..

when the balloon glided out my hand, where did it go?

Drafts Vol.2 (22.7.2007)

"Oh Father... "

today, I'm sleeping over at my grandpa's ..
and I'm very excited 'bout swimming first thing in the morning ^_^

tonight, when i came down for dinner, my grandpa called me saying : hey um ****** lol, how are you? he placed his hand on my head and ruffled my hair, like a little girl..
i blushed since he never really did that to me before, and I'm 20 now.
it was mostly ear twisting when i was young xD

even though i was a quite girl, but like any other kid, i still did my share of stupid irresponsible things, and therefore got my share of ear twisting, lol.

but the thing is, when i thought about what he did, i started thinking of my father, and i realized..i never hug my dad..
like the other day we were out with mom, and when we came back, dad opened the door and one of my sisters came inside the house and just hugged him.
i felt so weird, and thought: when's the last time 'I' hugged him? how old was I? 10? ..or was I 9?

Drafts Vol. 1 (17/6/2007)

well, i was looking through my drafts in here. some of them were supposed to be published, i have no idea how did they manage to stay as drafts lol, i was even looking for this particular post through my blog, but i couldn't find it. i thought i deleted it by mistake or something, turns out i didn't.
anyhow..some of the drafts are interesting, so i decided to publish them.

"an Interesting Turn of Events"

the weather doesn't matter..
but it's just too damn hot!!

remember how i used to say, things in my life usually fall into place on their own and they sort themselves out just like that? well..they do!
apart from what my horoscope says..

well, if you're interested, my horoscope says that my love life is finally going well.., and if it meant me swearing off guys then it's right :p

back to things falling into place on their own..

#1: i had an amazing daughter mother day..there was no plan..i just saw her and hugged her and told her how much i miss her and all..and it happened on it's own! automatically.
of course i usually hug my mom but when it comes to telling her how i feel i get tongue tied and end up saying nothing.

later we had lunch together, shopped, talked, laughed and watched Pirates of the Caribbean 3 together! ^_^
#2: yes! i watched it! and as long as it was..i just didn't want it to end, and it's Orlando Bloom's fault as much as it's Johnny's!

bad boys are hot..but good ones are the ones to fall for *sigh*..

so 2 out of the 6 things i wanted to happen happened! now #3 is kinda silly lol..i wanted to have pizza from Pizza hut in Sohar..their pizza is just worth dying for! yum!! and we did ^_^ - we didn't die of course lol..we had the pizza xD - i thought we'll carry out and have it in the car on our way back..but then everyone felt like eating in, and we spent 2 hrs eating and having some good family quality time, knowing we won't be having any once we arrive, since my favorite aunt and her kids are staying with us, 'cause their house is out of electricity and water..thanx to Gonu -_-

it's even better they're here! cause things are triple fun when they're around..too Hectic for mom though hehe..

#4: now i was really worried about the cat..since I'm not only allergic to cats, but they just scare me lol

once we arrived i saw her..she looks exactly like Puss in Shrek..i don't think cats are cute, but this one stole my heart..it's strange and i still can't comprehend it..
anyways..she stole my heart from a distance lol..since i just scream if they get too close to me

this cat is just like a kid..she plays and plays until she's drained and then sleeps..soo kawaii!! (cute!!) and her playing mood is mostly hunting like a lioness lol, and she bites all the time!
she usually looks for anything that moves..and she also likes staring at the hamster (his name is grandpa xD) ..when we get grandpa out of his cage to wander around the place..she just looks at him and then moves around, but once we place him back in his cage, she gets captivated and stares at him for a very long while..lol weird

but whats even more weird is that after 2 hrs or so from us arriving..Kush was lying in the living room, acting lazy, with my family sitting there and watching Tv..i don't know how or why..but i just came down from upstairs..picked her up, hugged her and said: Kush! kawaii!! and then shook her gently..

you should've seen my family's jaws drop lol..if i was sitting with them and saw me holding that cat, my jaw would've dropped as well lol, seriously..

not to make it a very long and detailed entry..she adores me the most! I'm the only one who calls her and not get ignored! well, apart from mom and thats 'cause mom is the one who feeds her :p

#5: i swam! for 3 whole hrs..and it was amazing! i still need to swim and I'm going to today inshallah ^_^

it's been decided! I'll be swimming 4-5 times a week! yaaay!

#6: it was amazing riding with my lil aunt in her new hot Lexus ;)
and we went out 3 times in a 2 hours time! lol...was really nice, we even ran away from a suspicious looking bagger xD

that's all for now i guess..

oh! and regarding that exam i said I'll screw up..i screwed up alright! and i've got my grade to prove it..a shining D lol!

too long i know..bear with me..and if you can't, well..you can't!

I've drove myself insane..

"You're gone..
You're gone..
Baby you're gone"

 i never noticed this song has kissing sounds in the background before..wow..

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i've never felt this way before, not on the same day at least. feeling on top of the world and then hitting rock bottom all on the same day.
life is a rollercoaster afterall..


i need to vent a little.

i just feel like blogging..

"how can I keep loving you endlessly?"

mood: nostalgic-uncomfortable-almost depressed.
listening to: Dorantes - Orobroy.


doesn't it suck when you have nothing interesting going on in your life? seriously! i went shopping on Friday, and i wasted all the little money i had left. i just wanted to do something refreshing, and shopping to my surprise was the thing!
i'm gonna go all girly on you now lol, but there was this 'puma' handbag that totally killed me! no kidding! but i was too broke to get it. i still think of it every night before going to bed.. =(

yes, i know money doesn't buy you happiness, but when i think of the engagement ring i want, i start thinking that maybe the one who came up with that saying just didn't know where to shop? xD

mom thinks the UAE is just as expensive as Oman or something..
the prices are on fire lately, we can't even afford eggs! right lol..but no really, things are much more expensive than last month! we used to get 3 eggs for just 1 dirham, now it's an egg per dirham!

anyway, on a more serious note: i hate finals, and being me makes them all even worse! 'cause i keep thinking of how i should study and all. then basically, do nothing! =)
ugh! killah min (it's all because of) the first exam! i did so damn good.
if i sucked i would've probably been a little more freakin motivated!

being in the mood i'm in at the moment, makes me miss my mom's smell..

Eid..

well, first of all..Eid mubarak everyone! ^_^
kinda late..
anyhow, i know you're all dying to know how i spent my Eid (right... lol)
weeeell! i spent it in a hotel room with my family.
it was a life changing experience, or so i want to believe.

it all started right before fajr prayer on the day of Eid..

my parents alarm woke me up. and being the lazy bum i am, i took a little while before i managed to convince myself to get off the bed.
I got out of the room and saw mom praying in the living room. prayed..and i was feeling so fresh and decided to take a look out the window.
a really cool breeze brushed my face and along with it, in came a familiar sound. something I'd be listening to about that same time at home. the only difference is that instead of listening and watching it on T.v, this was live and absolutely amazing! it's like I'm in Mecca. (here) this is exactly what i was hearing, but it was more of a chorus.

people were coming from all around the hotel and heading for the Masjid close by, by that time my sisters were waking up one at a time. we couldn't see the Masjid from our room. but it was quite fascinating how people never stopped coming. like they're all tied together with an endless rope. more people pulling on even more people.

it's weird how the sight was so new yet familiar, so weird yet gave me a very warm feeling. honestly? I'd rather see this every Eid than have the little Eid rituals.

so anyway,
dad was still getting ready for Eid prayer. mom called him to come look out the window. by that time people were already standing in rows, ready for prayer on the street! apparently there wasn't enough space for people in the Masjid nor the area around it. the roundabout nearby was completely covered with people.

he stood there looking outside for a couple of seconds. apparently just as amazed as we all were. then almost like he shook his head, he hurried out. we looked at each other giggling, turned back and continued to watch.

a bull started running with the crowd, which was really funny..kinda like Spain 'cept it was just one bull. i guess he broke loose from a house nearby. (hope they caught him before he hurt anyone or well, wandered off too far. I'm assuming they wanted to slaughter him for Eid, it'll be such a waste if they couldn't. considering how livestock prices shot up this Eid.)

dad decided not to go by car, since the road was closing with the many people standing outside. and the fact that the Masjid was just around the corner. and as he was walking to the Masjid, he turned back and waved at us. then disappeared from sight.

by the time they started praying, the rows formed were all the way from the Masjid (which wasn't in our sight) to the front entrance of the hotel we were staying in.
i haven't been to Umrah nor Hajj so this sight was absolutely breathtaking! mom promised we'd go next summer inshallah. (not the coming summer! NEXT summer..as in Summer 2009) hmm..i might be a teacher by then *day dreams*

this was the most spiritual Eid I've had in my life. made me think of how shallow Eid was to me until that moment.

phew.. this is a very long post! and even though I've just mentioned the first few hours of the first day of a 3 days unforgettable holiday, and i haven't even got to the funny and exciting little details of this Eid holiday! xD
but i think i better stop.

.....well, ok! I'm gonna point out that i went to 'Umm al-Quwain' and 'Ras al-khaimah' for the first time in my life.
the parts I've been to were so much like Oman. i loved them! ^_^
oh! and i saw some parachuters land, and some very beautiful scenery mashallah.
if only i had a cam. i'd share some of the stunning beach views with you.

the clouds were so close to the ground that day. not to mention the chilliness..but i like the cold. ^-^

there were also some thin wide patches of water scattered close to the beach..the reflection of the clouds on that water was just divine! so amazing..

oh well..

laters!

days of mixed emotions..

"Touched my nose with the tip of his Index, a grin on his face as he said: hey cherry.."

^ one of the many dreams i've been having every night for the past 3 days..i end up sleeping for almost 12 hours! i just like the dreams and the feeling they bring. i just wanna keep on dreaming.

it doesn’t mean my reality sucks, no! Everything is just fine. =D
Dreams aren't my escape lately..thank god!

i'm not celebrating Eid home for the first time in my life..and i have mixed emotions about that, i miss home, and i'm sure i'm gonna miss all the little Eid rituals..but i'm also relieved; knowing that i won't have to go through the torment of all that social stuff and the shopping!

i mean if Eid was celebrated among family only, i'd be the happiest girl in the world! but it isn't. relatives and people i've never seen before come, and i never get enough sleep the night before. i basically have no sleep at all! Sometimes it's the excitement, sometime it's insomnia. but at the end: no sleep!
so around 1 pm i'll be too exhausted to even have lunch (i have it anyway lol)

then i wake up (with not enough sleep) to go out for dinner ( incase there was a reservation) or just a crazy wild cruise and a drive thru with my cousins.
last Eid we watched half of the movie 'Norbit' in the car in that McDonald's drive thru! unbelievable! which reminds me..i never finished that movie..hmm..

oh! and you can't even imagine how broke i am!
i lost all my savings when my handbag got stolen..i really hate myself for carrying all my savings with me in that damn bag! but i thought it's safer when i have them with me. Ah man..
i literally have 50 fils in my wallet. thank god my family is coming tomorrow..i can't afford another meal xD

:: my first final is on the 27th. and i think i'll be studying. unlike last year. i'm actually studying this time. yay for me! lol
and all my profs know me, i usually try to keep a low profile. but this semester i just felt like standing out. it was good profs-wise. but then i got bombarded with requests from girls in my classes, i'm starting to regret it.
"oh Nella, i was wondering if you could help me out with my project."
 pfft!
i did manage to escape a few, but i still had to help in a couple. (out of excuses lol) 
oh well

:: my sister has graduated 4 days ago. and i have mixed emotions about that..i'm kinda restless actually..she's my life companion.
i do everything with her, she knows me better than i know myself. i still have to spend a year without her in this dumpster.
but at the same time, i wanna see how will i handle life in here with absolutely no backs to lean on. kinda exciting.

wow, it's been a long time since i last updated...

Dango, dango, dango, dango, a big dango family

Dango! Dango! Dango!

it's amazing the effect music has on me. its like every step i take has a different tune to it, as if i'm dancing through the ups and downs of my life.

i think it'll be cool if we had music playing in the background of our lives. like if something was funny you'll hear laughter. and when you're happy you get happy music, etc..

no it's not annoying! you get used to it. humans adapt easily to the environment around them!

there isn't much to say really.. I've had a terrible flu for the past two weeks and i keep relapsing! looks like it's not planning to leave me alone anytime soon. oh, and did i mention i had my first exams during it? i did quite good though =P 'cept for the one i missed! xD

anyway,
this last week has been a good one. I've been feeling quite content. there was a couple of times when i felt like my feet aren't on the ground anymore, but it was just for a split of a second..
and i'm taking it as a sign.

mood: magical.
listening: Dango Daikazoku