Undone

"I keep comin' back everytime I leave"

1- i hate this state i'm in right now..the 'reality hasn't hit yet' state. i wish if i could realize what just happened in order for me to react the way i will wish i did in about a week or whenever reality is gonna hit me..HIT ME DAMN IT! HIT MEEE!

2- i've been a complete scatterbrain today, and i'm afraid this is gonna last for quite sometime until i breakdown and then start to recollect myself..
BAD TIMING NELLA!! you've got a presentation next week and finals coming up in a couple of weeks.

3- i think i'm gonna fail in one of the subjects i'm taking, it's just too hard! xD and that damn prof has this weird way of coming up with exams. dentistry students are always shaking before entering the exam hall , and crying after leaving it. i on the other hand am pretty much desensitized when it comes to studies, the worse thing that'll happen is that i won't smile in relief once the exam is over. i really hope my kids don't turn out this way. 'Oh god, please let my future husband be a hot nerd.' =P

4- when i kill insects i imagine this little blue light leaving their bodies and heading up to heaven..weird i know, but thats what i imagine every time i kill something. oh, and i never kill ants. 'cause for some reason i start feeling guilty the minute i do. those hard working little things aren't up for breaks.
i've always admired ants, ever since i was a kid.

5- i miss swimming, yup..it's that time of the year again lol, i remember back when we were in grade school, and how we'd walk around el 7osh (backyard) barefoot and get as hot as possible and then run and jump into the pool. it feels GOOD! you should try it sometime.

6- i've been craving qabooli (an omani rice dish, prepared with either meat: laham or chicken: djaaj) laham for the past week. and to top it, i've talked to my grandma today (happens to be the chef who makes the best qabooli i've ever had in my entire life)
haha, everytime we're at my aunt's place (where she lives) for lunch it's either qabooli laham or dajaaj.

my cousins always laugh about it: grandma! they'll get sick of this qabooli if they're gonna have it everytime they're here! two more times and it'll become a tradition.
- Grandma: they like it! you don't have to eat!

ugh, i miss her so much! i miss everyone and everything as a matter of fact, even the ones i don't usually miss, i miss them this time. guess it's coz i'm all alone up here for the first time.
ugh man, i'm crying..


goodnight