again?

i just had three different experiences in less than 36 hours..nothing special really..but it felt like a tornado..had a great impact..somehow

experience #1:
i met someone who's almost like me..she's extremely adorable and we have so much in common i felt like i was talking to myself..the things we like, the thing's we've been through..well, it's not like i know her very well but i just felt like i was looking in a mirror and talking to the image reflected..of course the image wasn't me lol..it was her image but it felt like the one i usually talk to is finally smiling back at me..

she told me about her imaginary friend and i've found it astonishing..

i do have someone i could call an imaginary friend but it's not exactly that..its been almost a month since we met..i don't know her name yet..i needed some fresh air so i went for a walk outside and stood there watching the sunrise..it was quiet a meeting and from that day on we became so close..we talk for hours and she's just like my shadow now
but i still don't know her name
she looks exactly like me..except that she's the opposite? personality wise

she's mean lol..and very sure of herself..i won't call her the best in me..i don't see being mean as the best in anyone..she's strong and determined..she's not the type who'd look back..

yup! the exact opposite

i like how she listens but i really don't like how she reacts to my actions..she keeps calling me stupid and childish..even though mostly? it's all just that...

?: you should try and think of yourself first sometimes..you don't honestly think you'll be getting something in return for being nice or honest or loyal or any of that are you? why do you keep caring for people who won't even have second thoughts of you?

Nella: well, its just how i am..

?: well, this 'you" should be up for some changes..you're too nice for you're own good..

Nella: why is everyone saying this? what's wrong with being too nice anyways?


?: lol..well, why would they bother telling you such a thing anyways? too nice is just gonna be turned on you..

Nella: oh...well..

?: btw, im quiet pissed at what you've been doing recently..

Nella: what?

?: why do you open your heart and pour it all out once you get emotional? and seriously that joke was so uncalled for

Nella: i don't know what came to me..i just said it

?: oh well, next time? zip it!

Nella: why do you keep yelling? im right here you know!

?: well, you're just too naive and it's...it's annoying!

Nella: can we talk about something else plz?

?: yeah ok..how about we talk about what you've been hiding? it's so obvious you're a mess

Nella: noticed?

?: i just said it's so damn obvious! ugh..you're slow..

Nella : ^_^ oh yeah..that...

?: not gonna say?

Nella: it left a fresh hole..and it still hurts when the wind blows through..sooner or later you'll find out..i might just not take it and you know..collapse?

?: you're way to hard on yourself you know..get it out on someone else..someone who deserves it! for a change..

Nella: haha..yeah, you know? some ppl should be getting their a$$ kicked ^_^...thanx..i kinda feel better..weird though..all you do is yell and stick that stinkin reality in my face

?: better than day dreaming..you just like to run away to your own lil neverland..where everything is exactly how you wish it would be and it annoys me when you start believing it..

Nella: well, that's called hope! i just hope it turns out how i imagined

?: raaaaaight..and it never goes the way you imagined..it doesn't work princess!

Nella: lol..are you the part of me who believes in reality? hahaha..no wonder you're just so mean..

and it goes on and on..until i get interfered...she's the only one i trust completely..she knows me like no one else and i guess she's not leaving coz there is no where else to go..
i'm starting to believe that everyone who gets to know me, leave me..
is it me? am i too complicated? maybe cause i don't know how to deal with ppl? i don't know..

experience #2:
i had a big fight with a person i hold so dear..well, we fight usually and it seems like it wasn't going anywhere..i wouldn't say there was no understanding, ummm..there was..a little

but it was for the best to let it off i guess..
i was getting closer and it might've made it harder..you know..more memories to try and forget?
it wasn't me who closed the door though..

oh well, move one Nella..you've been through tougher times and you're handling yourself very well up till now..i can't believe i just said that! i'm actually learning that it's not impossible to move on! lol

I'm holding up strong till now..pretending to be strong is more like whats going on..but that's how we move on right? bottling it up and putting that fake smile on..

ok..this got me a bit upset XD
..and it's long enough..I'm not gonna talk about experience #3
ugh..it's stupid like the two above anyways..

laters...